Sometimes

I feel as if I'm crazy.
My mind dribbling up and down constantly, never sticking to a firm state, I feel as a girl composed of multiple insane parts. The happier I get, the further I fall into that empty abyss of depression.

I'm stuck in this ambivalence, this yin and yang of love and hate.
And it's tearing me apart, I can't hold myself together.
I wear the face of both tears and smiles.

Roses always bloom with attached thorns. How ironic.

I haven't written in awhile- too absorbed in my mundane activities of life- I rarely pick up the pen and my journal and just pour down my thoughts and emotions. Even when I am merely staring into the blank canvas of my walls, I let my mind remain motionless. In other words, I have become indolent.

I need a muse. Soon.

Life

Bitter
Sweet
you are
you are
Sweet
Bitter

Jigsaw

I never know what I'm doing.

I just pick at the pieces of my puzzle, hoping the final picture I create will be a beautiful masterpiece, instead of a chaotic mess.

I peered at the creations of others and followed their picture, and tried to create a similar replica so that "someday, mine will be that awe-striking."
But somewhere along the way, I started filtering my own pieces, mixing and matching, hoping to create the final picture that depicted a harmonious mosaic.

And I still don't know if the pieces I choose are the befitting ones, or the ones that will ultimately leave a flawed spot in the finished product.

So here's to the uncertainty of it all.

May my puzzle turn out beautiful.

Today

I am inarticulate.

Twenty-ten A-men

With the anxiety attacks slowly creeping up along with the doom of finals awaiting at the corner, for seniors, this may be the toughest time of their whole life.

Many are faced with the question of "where will I turn to now?"

as well as those faced with the euphoria of confirmation that the hard work has finally paid off.

To those accepted,

congratulations.

To those deferred/rejected:

prove those colleges wrong.

Make them realize their worst mistake.

Because even though I am impatiently counting the seconds until my decisions arrive, I know that ultimately, regardless of the decision of a complete stranger judging me through paper, I am the only capable person to develop and paint my own future.

Yes, the admission board as of now may seem like they have everyone's destiny and fate in their hands, but the reality is they only have the power to open or deny ONE opportunity. The next four years after high school life are not up to them.