The heart

All my thoughts and emotions are compiled into bits and pieces,
torn from one another.
I feel love, mercy, and goodness.
I feel hate, revenge, and evilness.

But what do you do when your shield is cast away,
leaving you vulnerable for the darkness of the world?

You fight it.
You try not to let the hate and anger build up on your heart.
And you have to fight it, even if you constantly trip and fall.

People assume it’s naïve to be moral,
that business and ethics do not match.

They say I’m naïve to believe that karma and goodness and love will eventually win.
But if no one believes,
the mountains will be ignored, perhaps not even visible.
And no one will climb the mountains.

Yes, I see the corruption; the war; the manipulations. But-
When I am entered into those thoughts of cynicism,
I remind myself of the adversities that humanity has overcome.

Slavery- once accepted as right,
once accepted as a necessity,
once accepted as power and money.

We have overcome it.
Why?
Because someone refuted the notion that “without it you can’t win”.
Because someone felt the tug in their hearts that it was wrong.

We are all blind because we are all only so human.
But maybe that’s why God gave us hearts.

We make mistakes,
but character is not defined by perfection.
It is the steps taken after the falls that really defines us.

I wish to make my steps toward the light.

Can you hear me now?

I thought I loved you.
But honestly, I don't know how to truly love a person.

I don't know love; I merely know the connotations of love.


Because I'm constantly battling this war against myself,

Because I am a selfish person who can't see outside the wall I've built for myself,

Because of the constant fear of being consumed by the great light of love, being afraid to be the next moth to burn into ashes,

I cannot receive love, I cannot give love.

I've always been infatuated with the idea of love.

However, it is not your evanescent love I desire anymore.

It is the love that I can feel, that can be a guidance; so that I may one day be able to love, and show the world what kind of love I'm capable of,

it is the love around me that I can hold onto, to get me to the other side in times of thin ice,

that I desperately need.

Vision

I could write an elaborate blog,

snipping pieces of my thoughts

gluing them together

trying to paint a picture.

But I won't.

For me, talk is just talk.

Beautiful as words are,

as powerful as words are,

sometimes they just don't compare to the chaos of life in where words are meaningless.

Maybe it's only me,

because I've never been able to fully express myself through the charisma of intricately woven language.

But the little, simple things in life let me know that good exists in the world.

Such as your smile. Your tears. Your laughter. Your heart. Your music. Your beauty.

Inexplanable, untouchable objects.

That don't even come close to words.